


When he loved me

by Hatchico



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, M/M, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 11:57:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19745275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatchico/pseuds/Hatchico
Summary: Shinra and Izaya being very close but slowly drifting apartOrShinra and Izaya having different definitions of love when it comes to each other





	When he loved me

**Author's Note:**

> I literally love this ship like damn

"Hey, Shinra is this okay?"

"I mean if it's okay with you."

"It's just a little weird."

"Have you never kissed anyone before?"

"I haven't...is that bad?"

"No, it's not. I've never kissed anyone either."

Izaya smiled lightly before scooting closer to Shinra, he couldn't help but be a little happy that they would both experience their first kiss with each other. Shinra was his dearest friend and well he really did like him. He hoped that Shinra returned the sentiment.

When he felt Shinra's fingers brush against the shell of his ear as he cupped his cheek his breath hitched and he closed his eyes when he felt Shinra's lips brush against his own.

When they pulled away they were both smiling, their fingers intertwined. It was nice simply being in each other's presence and while Izaya began to fall for Shinra and feel things that he'd never thought he'd feel, Shinra simply enjoyed their newfound closeness.

Izaya for once couldn't bring himself to conjure up a snarky comment and in fact, just wanted to kiss Shinra again. But of course, he couldn't ask him. No matter how much he wanted it he was too prideful to make such a request.

Still, when Izaya looked at Shinra he felt content and wondered what the other was thinking.

"You're beautiful." Shinra suddenly said catching Izaya by surprise

"What? Where did that come from?" He asked laughing awkwardly

"I just think you're beautiful and wanted to tell you. Do I need a reason?"

"I guess not..."

"Anyway, you want to get some hot pot?"

Izaya relaxed and gently squeezed the other's hand not wanting to let go. He couldn't help but feel like Shinra loved him. Sure he fawned over Celty but he has yet to meet her so he assumes that she's not real or he'll get over her. From what he heard she doesn't really feel much for him so maybe Shinra is finally turning his affection towards him.

"That sounds wonderful."

With that, they both walked hand in hand

-

Months passed before Izaya finally gathered the courage to say, "I love you."

It was the most sincere he's ever been in his entire life. He felt vulnerable as Shinra held him in his arms and gave him a bright smile that melted his heart.

"I love you too." He said before pulling him into a hug. 

Shinra saw Izaya as a very dear friend of his and he really cared for Izaya with all his heart but the love he felt was different than what Izaya felt. He loved Izaya in a sense Philia or affectionate love that you would feel for a friend. That's why when he heard Izaya say I love you he returned the sentiment. He just assumed that Izaya felt the same kind of love he felt. After all, a self-proclaimed god couldn't really love a person like that or that's what he assumed.

"You mean it?" He could hear the hesitation in his voice and he wanted to reassure him so he said,

"I will always love you..."

Izaya buried his face into Shinra's shoulder smiling with pure joy. His heart was beating wildly and he felt like he was on cloud nine. He knew at that moment that all he wanted was to be together with Shinra, even if it was just sitting next to him. He didn't need anything else.

-

As the years went by Shinra and Izaya were still very close all throughout high school and while Izaya would lie his head on Shinra's lap the other would play with his hair. It would be perfect except for one thing. He still talked about Celty and Izaya couldn't help but get worried especially now knowing she was real after meeting her.

"Geez Shinra, you keep talking about Celty all the time people will think you love her."

"I do love her!" He replied like it was obvious.

The words Izaya wanted to say got stuck in his throat and he could only let out a soft "Oh..."

He sat up as Shinra went on a tirade about all the things he loved about her.

Izaya couldn't help but feel envious and he was getting fed up with hearing about her. 

That's what led him to start antagonizing Shizuo and soon enough the blonde teen was chasing him down the steps with Kadota and Shinra watching.

"Did I say something wrong?" Shinra asked the other

"I don't know. You know Izaya more than I do. Maybe he just got bored and felt like bothering Shizuo."

Shinra nodded, "Perhaps. Here I thought we could all have a peaceful meal. Last week was fine." He commented nonchalantly

They both heard a crash and watched as Izaya and Shizuo left the school ground, Shizuo roaring Izaya's name while the other simply cackled.

As Izaya ran he couldn't help but wonder what his relationship with Shinra was. He loved him so much and when he heard him so casually say he loved someone else...

It hurt

Still, he was optimistic. After all, they were best friends and Shinra did say he'd always love him. He would be patient for the boy to look his way and simply hold him close like they used to do. Shinra was always there for him whether it was to comfort him or just be someone he could talk to. 

If anything he'd be happy with that.

-

Izaya wasn't worried when Shinra talked to him a little less after high school. He knew he was busy with his underground doctor business and he was being an informant.

When they talked they were still close which eased Izaya's mind.

Still, watching Shinra trying to cling to Celty whenever she was around hurt quite it bit. He sometimes struggled just not to frown and he was always glad when the headless woman jabbed him harshly before berating him. It gave him hope that he and Shinra could still have something when he eventually would give up on her. 

He just wished it would be soon

-

"Izaya I need you to do me a favor."

Now, this was out of the blue and the serious look Shinra was giving him was making him worried.

"Of course. What is it?"

"I need you to hide Celty's head for me."

"What? But isn't she looking for it? Why not give it back?"

"I can't!" Izaya was startled by his outburst, usually, Shinra was either very calm or ranting happily

"Why? At least tell me why."

"She'll leave me Izaya. I can't let her leave me. I know it's selfish but I love her too much to let her go."

"...Okay, I'll do it."

Shinra immediately smiled and hugged him tightly you, "You're the best!"

When he pulled away Izaya's smile was strained, "I know I am. Just know that when she finds out it's your fault."

Shinra nodded in agreement, "With you, she'll never find out."

_

With that came Izaya's infatuation with Celty's head. He knew he could have given it to her but then...Shinra he'd probably be so sad. He couldn't do that to him so he kept the head safely hidden and instead started a war to awaken it. 

Maybe if he could wake it up it would tell him how to get Shinra back. Of course, that didn't work and instead, his efforts were rewarded with a bruised eye.

Shinra began to drift further away from him and Izaya didn't know what to do. He was losing his only friend and he just couldn't bear it. They still talked but Shinra was more passive aggressive with him and the only time he ever looked truly happy was when he talked about Celty.

It hurt

-

As the years went by Izaya stayed the same but Shinra began to drift further away.

He knew that Celty was starting to fall for the doctor and it scared him too no end. But still, after everything, he knew that Shinra cared.

So when he felt the pierce of a knife in his side all the thought of was Shinra.

The moment he woke up from the hospital the first thing he made sure to do was to call him.

Shinra loudly shouted "No! Who the hell?" when he picked up. That's when Izaya remembered he was out of town and couldn't help but smirk. He hoped that he ruined their date

"Who the hell? I never had such a dynamic greeting before."

"Oh, it's you, Orihara-kun. See you!" Ouch

"Hey, don't hang up on me." He said quickly before quickly saying, "I finally got to borrow a phone at the hospital, see..."

"Hospital? Have you been hospitalized?" Izaya wondered if he could hear worry in his tone or if it was just his imagination

"Didn't you see it on Daiou TV this morning? I got stabbed yesterday." He was waiting for Shinra to say something along the lines as I'll be there to visit you soon or anything really that showed he cared.

"Oh, really? See you!" With that, he was met with the dial tone 

Izaya was silent for a bit before anger bubbled inside of him, that's when he noticed he was being watched and an idea came to mind. Putting his ear back to the phone he shouted. "It's all your fault something terrible happened to me! Didn't I warn you to suspend your illegal activities?"

With that, he put the phone back down and thanked the receptionist before walking away with his IV bag. If Shinra was going to hang up on him he would make sure to return the favor by messing with him

When he called Shinra back up he said gleefully, "Hey, there! Did you just get a call from the cops by any chance?"

"Yes, thanks to you..." Serves you right, he thought

"Is that right? Well, it's pretty boring over here. Just the thought of you enjoying your day off really annoyed me for some reason." He spat out wishing Shinra would take the hint and apologize for being so inconsiderate. 

He paused but when he didn't hear anything he decided to continue his rant, "I thought it'd be funny if the cops called an underground doctor! Well? I'm sure that Celty's enjoying the holiday with you...Did all the suspense bring you closer? Did your heart pound just a little?"

He heard Shinra laugh and was waiting for him to say something, at least a sorry you were stabbed would have been good enough. But instead, Shinra spat back, "If only the suspense would split open your chest so you'd die."

With that Shinra hung up again leaving Izaya to stare blankly in front of him with a smile on his face. He let go of the phone and let it dangle on the line as he rushed back to his hospital room.

Although he was smiling tears were sliding down his face and he almost wished that whoever stabbed him would have stabbed him in the chest instead. At least it would have hurt less than this pain.

He sat on the bed and placed his hands over his eyes. He finally cried after all these years as he thought about the days when Shinra cared for him. When they would hold hands and simply enjoy each other's company.

His hands slid from his face and he flopped down on his back.

Still, he couldn't help but smile just a tad as he remembered when Shinra loved him...everything was beautiful and even though Shinra's words hurt worst than any stab wound he couldn't help but still wait for the day that he'd say...

"I will always love you..."


End file.
